Change

I have been in Thailand for a little over a month now. My true first experience outside of America. This is the boldest thing I’ve ever done in my 22 years. I have completely picked up my sheltered life and immersed myself in an entirely foreign environment. Different people. Different language. Different culture. Different job. 

Were there times when it was uncomfortable and I became homesick? Absolutely. But I had to remind myself that I knew what I signed up for. Shit- I paid for this entire thing on my own. I knew exactly what I was doing, and I knew it was going to be hard.

And it hasn’t been a walk in the park, trying to teach students who know little to no English. It’s been frustrating. It’s been discouraging. But more importantly, it’s been SO rewarding. It’s changing my life for the best. I’m becoming a better person. Although I am teaching these kids, I am learning even more about myself.

It wasn’t until I was talking to a complete stranger about my trip before I left and they said to me “you’re not going to come back the same person”. That scared the shit out of me, but in the same sense those words were the most comforting. Unbeknownst to her, she has helped me in the toughest times while here in Thailand. I think back to that blonde haired stranger with the sweet smile that said that to me, and it gives me great comfort knowing that I am learning, evolving and growing. Further defining who I am. So I grab the discomfort by the horns and embrace it all.

The more you oppose change, the easier it is for to stay exactly where you are. Change. It’s a funny concept. One that is absolutely individual and is based purely upon ones perception and experiences. Change is something that always sounds like a good idea, but when it becomes a reality and the opportunity slaps us in the face, we tend to cling to routine. We get so uncomfortable and those once optimistic feelings toward taking a chance seem so distant and foreign to us. We become enveloped by that negative voice that exists in all of our heads that tells us all the ways it won’t work. That tries to remind us every way we will fail at whatever it is we want to do or become. We take that voice so seriously that we tend to believe our moods and emotions are real entities. They’re not. They’re just moods, and emotions. They are not a reflection of our characteristics or core values.

The fact is that most of us have a love hate relationship with change. Our mammal instincts kick in and we gravitate to what’s comfortable without understanding that we grow the most when we are uncomfortable. Greater suffering produces higher consciousness. 

Discomfort is a necessity in this life. Discomfort, in my opinion, isn’t even a feeling but a transition. I don’t know a single person that LIKES being uncomfortable. But that’s not the point, the point is that discomfort is the feeling we experience when we are transitioning into the person we are meant to become. That uncomfortable transition brings us one step closer to the person we want to be. Discomfort and uneasiness eventually will evolve into strength and confidence. It takes time, but it happens. The strongest people I know don’t come from a picture perfect past, but they understand how to use their pain and suffering as tools to rebuild and overcome the discomfort in order to get closer to where they want to be. If you allow your past to define you, you’re crippling your entire existence. We suffer as a result of clenching this false reality that “our past defines us”. We resist change because we believe that things, phases, and relationships truly and lastingly exist. Everything comes to an end. We either adapt and overcome or we resist change and stay the same, sorry person forever. We have to put aside the illusion and delusions about what could have been or should have been, and embrace who we are becoming through every challenge we face. We do this by loosening our death grip on things that are out of our control and by relaxing our tendency to have ultimate jurisdiction over everything in our ever-changing environment. There are many degrees of “holding on”. These can be daily routines, our beliefs and prejudices, psychological fixations, phobias and addictions, etc. These are all varieties of holding on, the issue is the extent to which the grip of “control”, or lack there of, limits our ability to embrace change. To try something new. The push our boundaries farther. The grip that limits our ability to become who were supposed to become. 

We have to learn to let life come as it may, and go on as it ALWAYS does.